Last rite of passage with Dignity
“The Art of medicine takes over, when science can no longer help” -Hospice care
At the vulnerable milestones of birth and death, a ring of support is formed to honor souls’ transition. It is fascinating even liberating to ethically explore and appreciate the different processes in which cultures exercise the customs surrounding death. In America there was a group of physicians and psychologist advocates that pressured the U.S Government to make Medicare include Hospice care in 1978. At the time creating this new health system was re-inventive and had a price tag of billions. Imagine our elders being neglected in hospital hallways with no specific wing to shelter people on their last important journey/transition before the inclusion of death care into healthcare?
What an immense weight lifted for us to create support to fall on. After all, no day is guaranteed. Today, End of Life Care is in need of a new reset with normalizing hiring an End of Life Companion/Doulas to meet the increasing needs End of Life demands to fulfill a dignified death. Everyday we are closer to becoming an ancestor.
Give the power of intention to the rituals which will mark our final transition. We only have the chance to navigate this path once, ensure that all your strings are tied so your loved ones can have the immediate space to grieve. If you have the means, meet an End of Life Companion at your final horizon. You gain a guide through the many resources and options to make the most informed decisions and invest in a meaningful and gentle way to process all the facets needed to navigate our final journey/transition..
It Doesnʻt Matter how short a life is, It will cost you a lifetime of grief
The bitter alchemy of love to grief
Once deceased
Mark us in the
Present, to be loved
as Love presently!
-Camille Dee 20
Children haunted by grief will need a lot of Play space to metabolize grief, contrasting to adult needs ranging sporadically between isolation and over-stimulation.
It is normal to Grieve members of our community that we arenʻt directly close to yet something about their story reflects in us an inescapable truth;It is valid to grieve. We must process and release somatically. Going through a labyrinth whether in person or on paper while meditating on our pain has been noted in studies to calm our nervous system.
Reading signs between Preparatory Grief for an anticipated death & Grief after passing versus Depression is pivotal to protect our loved ones from avoidable pitfalls. Creating a space for people at the end of life to be honest about their pain and self-determine how much pain they are willing to tolerate to live longer and pass with dignity.
Complicated grief occurs when a life is taken unexpectedly, or if our grief is disrupted by the nature of your relationship with the deceased. Managing complicated grief often requires an immense amount of emotional weight to cope with alone. Seeking group support therapy significantly decreases the isolation and nervous system shock people experience with complicated grief.
Grief is our companion in life when our loved (Love) ones die. I say Love in the present tense because their love is current. It lives on through the perpetuation of you and your customs of love that honor their memory! We only learn better how to surf the sets of waves grief brings each swell…day by day, Moment by moment.
In Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying by Maggie Calland and Patricia Kelley I learned that seeming like you are indifferent to death is more painful than saying the wrong thing. Opening up safe space to Listen with people experiencing loss severing the looming fear of never speaking about our passed love ones ever again.
Dying people give many different kinds of signals when they are moving closer to depart this shell. Some on this Journey find they need permission,Forgiveness, and sometimes solitude to pass on. Confusion is often diagnosed to people when they are actually trying to communicate through their dreams, visuals or dialogs that are repetitive and distressful
In Death, there are gifts of power and Grace. We just need to be curious of the Pain, whether Spiritual, or emotional that needs to be faced, also the guilt for what we did or how we identity with that shame comes to teach us one final lesson. Seeing the gifts we find through death is the rain we need to restore our garden of life. This is the work…
Resources Gathered through my practice & Courses
Verified Health Information
https://www.verywellhealth.com
Health and Wellness Resource
https://www.uvmhealth.org/healthsource
Therapy Blog: UPR & Good Listening Skills
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/good-listener-person-centred-counselling.htm
Different types of care:
https://www.nccih.nih.gov/health/complementary-alternative-or-integrative-health-whats-in-a-name
Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services
800-633-4227
877-486-2048 (TTY)
Pharmacies in CA, San Jose
https://heypharmacy.com/San_Jose/
Find a care provider Search:
https://www.nhpco.org/find-a-care-provider/
Meal Services
https://siliconvalleystrong.org/gpd/
Organizing/Finding Care Volunteers
https://www.mealtrain.com/learn/mealtrain_plus/
Organizing Care Community
Create, store, and share a custom document that captures your medical care preferences, free of charge
Support Groups
https://www.verywellmind.com/find-a-support-group-meeting-near-you-69433
Hospice/Palliative Care Resources:
Find a provider search center
https://www.nhpco.org/find-a-care-provider/
National Hospice and Palliative Care Org.
Visiting Nurses Association of Vermont
Hospice and Palliative Nurse Association
https://advancingexpertcare.org
American Hospice Foundation
https://americanhospice.org/learning-about-hospice/
Insurance and Hospice Questions:
https://www.medicare.gov/what-medicare-covers/what-part-a-covers/how-hospice-works
Hospice and Palliative Care Agencies: Marin and Sonoma Counties
Hospice by the Bay
707-935-7504 – Sonoma office
415-927-2273 – Larkspur office
Heartland Hospice
https://www.heartlandhospice.com/SantaRosa
707-523-0111 – Santa Rosa office
415-472-2637 – San Rafael office
Hired Hands Homecare Novato
http://www.hiredhandshomecare.com/
415-884-4343
At Home Caregivers
415-898-4663
Marin General Hospital – Palliative Care Center
https://www.maringeneral.org/programs-services/palliative-care
415-925-7560
Marin County Health and Human Services – Seniors at Home
https://www.marinhhs.org/community-resource-guide/seniors-home-jfcs-palliative-care-consultation
415-449-3777
600 Fifth Ave., San Rafael, CA 94901
UCSF – Palliative Care (while in San Francisco, it may be accessible to some and is quite remarkable and well-respected).
https://www.ucsfhealth.org/programs/palliative_care/
415-514-1966
Death and Dying in Canada:
https://www.virtualhospice.ca/Assets/2018-05-07_FP_DeathDying-2018_20180607111418.pdf
Doula Articles Research/Educational
EOL Doulas in Bay Area]
https://endoflifedoulas.care/meet-our-doulas/
Local Bay Resources page:
https://www.endoflifedoulaalliance.com/local-resources
Dignity Care Therapy
https://dignityincare.ca/en/the-model-in-detail.html
The State of Doula Care 2019 NYC
https://www1.nyc.gov/assets/doh/downloads/pdf/csi/doula-report-2019.pdf
Continuing Doula Care/E.D
https://www.joincake.com/blog/death-doula-resources/
Educational for Doula: Caregiving Demonstrations
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL47B0761255A1F993
Further Education: Center to Advance Palliative Care certifications
Education: VITAS Healthcare offers free webinars by experienced hospice professionals to educate on the benefits of hospice
Inspiring for Doula: Interview with Angel Kyodo Williams
https://onbeing.org/programs/angel-kyodo-williams-the-world-is-our-field-of-practice/
Further Education:
EOL Podcast
https://player.themoth.org/#/?actionType=ADD_AND_PLAY&storyId=15774
https://www.artofdyingwell.org/podcasts/
NEDA Alliance Resources
https://www.nedalliance.org/eold_study_guide.html
More Education/Certification
https://americanthanatology.com
More Education/Certification
More Education on Cultural Competence:
Find a Grief Counselor
https://www.centerforloss.com/grief/find-a-grief-counselor/
Founder Advocate for Death-Care E.Kubler-Ross Book
https://www.ekrfoundation.org/5-stages-of-grief/5-stages-grief/
Article about Responding to Suffering
National Respite Locator Service
www.archrespite.org/respitelocator
Well Spouse Association
800-838-0879
info@wellspouse.org
Amazing Documentary about Grief
https://speakinggrief.org/documentary
https://www.centerforloss.com/grief/
Coping with grief through relaxation
https://mindfulnessandgrief.com/coping-with-grief-relaxation/
Holding Grief
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKb1XKxwyhg
About Grieving:
https://ct.counseling.org/2019/04/grieving-everyday-losses/
Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas
Grieving a parent with Complex relationship:
Support for Caregivers through Respite Services
https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/what-respite-care
Founded in 1984 by Dr. Alan Wolfelt, the Center for Loss and Life Transition is dedicated to “companioning” grieving people as they mourn significant transitions and losses that transform their lives
https://www.centerforloss.com/bookstore/
Working through Death Yourself:
https://coalitionccc.org/common/Uploaded%20files/PDFs/Thinking-Ahead-Booklet_web.pdf
Support after Hospice
https://hospice-ncal.kaiserpermanente.org/support/after-your-loss/
Educational: Grief
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPvt_GXpwmZVv6UviCpK3Uw
What leaders have said for support through Covid & Mourning
On Suffering:
GrievingOrganization
https://www.compassionatefriends.org/chapter/tcf-of-santa-clara-county-chapter/
Starting to the Conversation to EOL
https://theconversationproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/ConversationStarterGuide.pdf
The University of Arizona – a Global Leader in Aging Research, Education and Care
Support: What to say when people are dying
https://grief.com/faqs-on-death-dying/
Starting the talk care guide pdfs as well as Institute for healthcare Improvement Resource Section (state specific organization of resources)
https://theconversationproject.org/nhdd/advance-care-planning/
Serious Illness Conversation Guide PDF
Area Agency On Aging
Pleasant Hill, CA · (925) 229-8434
Closed ⋅ Opens 8AM Wed
https://aging.ca.gov/Providers_and_Partners/Area_Agencies_on_Aging/
Advance Care Directive Form California
Autonomy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OXnZwOvjBc
Conversation Starters for aging
https://www.homeinstead.com/care-resources/care-planning/difficult-aging-conversations/
One physician’s opinions about Medical Aid in Dying
Taking Death into your own hands with a Terminal Illness
https://vtdigger.org/2018/09/10/westminster-west-man-at-peace-with-his-end-of-life-decision/
Christian Bereavement: https://christianity.org.uk/article/bereavement
Buddism Bereavemnt: https://www.hayagriva.org.au/wheel-of-life/loss-and-grief/
Hawaiian Bereavement:https://onipaa.org/kaumaha-helu-ekahi
Hindu Bereavement:
https://samhin.org/wp-content/uploads/Bereavement-and-Final-Samskara-in-Hindu-Tradition.pdf
Wiccan Bereavement: https://www.proquest.com/openview/7cdac40c10774ecef86166da500b331d/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=18750&diss=y
Cultural Humility:
https://www.culturallyconnected.ca
Jewish Bereavement Support
https://jewishhealingcenter.org
https://dying.lovetoknow.com/Death_Rituals
https://ideas.ted.com/11-fascinating-funeral-traditions-from-around-the-globe/
https://www.pbs.org/education/blog/beyond-sugar-skulls-the-history-and-culture-of-dia-de-los-muertos
LGBTQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1YZL6zuD8I
Indigenous Podcast
https://anchor.fm/around-grandfather-fire/episodes/AGF-30—On-Grief-and-Mourning-e6etg8
Decolonizing Death
https://radicaldeathstudies.com
https://uplift.love/the-ancient-hawaiian-practice-of-forgiveness/
https://rainbowhospice.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/Legacy-Idea-Book-Newsletter.pdf
Standfordʻs:Welcome to the Multi-cultural Palliative Care Portal
https://palliative.stanford.edu
Giving inclusive care for people with Autism
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/communication/tips#H2_1
https://catapult.co/stories/how-disability-helps-me-find-life-in-death
Alternative Resources for Grief
Musical Aid in Grief
McFerran, Katrina, and Meagan Hunt. “Learning from Experiences in Action: Music in Schools to Promote Healthy Coping with Grief and Loss.” Educational Action Research, vol. 16, no. 1, 2008, pp. 43–54.
Certified Therapeutic Music and Sound Practitioner Directory
https://directory.therapeuticmusician.world/dir/directory.php
Becoming a Certified Therapeutic Music Practitioner
Reiki at the end of life
https://iarp.org/reiki-comforts-end-of-life/
Guided Imagery
http://envisionintegrativetherapies.com/PDF/SAFE%20PLACE%20GUIDED%20IMAGERY.pdf
Field of music-thanatology Support
Provides access and education of Network of Music & Memory certified organizations
Dementia and Dance Therapy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyqfswPCKeQ
Threshold Choir – providing gentle song, by the bedside
Marin County – 415-259-9651
Sonoma County – 707-591–3008
Novato Music Association Chorus – https://www.novatomusicassociationchorus.org/
email for information: NMAChorus01@gmail.com
Musical Therapy in Bay Area:
https://thresholdchoir.org/solutions/what-we-do
Certified Musical Therapist in San Jose
https://www.credly.com/badges/6c761b55-e5b5-4e15-aff0-74d349b75906/linked_in_profile
Bay Area Musical Therapist
https://bayareamusictherapy.com/bio/
Energy Healer
https://www.wiseguideintuitive.com/services
Massage
https://www.banyanmassagesf.com
Holistic/reiki Healer
https://www.hemalivora.com/about (East Coast)
SEXOLOGIST * PSYCHOLOGIST * YOGA AND BODY MOVEMENT THERAPIST * PSYCHEDELIC INTEGRATIONIST * HOLISTIC LIFE COACH
https://www.wholepersonintegration.com/death-and-dying-psychotherapy (CA)
LMFT
https://www.proudtobetherapy.com (CA)
Psy.D. offers KAP therapy
https://www.drjosievalderrama.com/session.html (CA)
AMFT Culturally Competent
https://www.chosenfamilytherapy.com/madilynn-a-beck (CA)
AMFT
https://uncommonthreadstherapy.com/#service (CA)
Goat Therapy Bay Area
Further Education Dementia : Supporting Caregivers for people living with dementia
Education Dementia
https://www.caregiver.org/resource/caregivers-guide-understanding-dementia-behaviors/
Education Dementia: Virtual Tour Be in Their Shoes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WmsDvfcspIs
Education Dementia:
Pain Assessment in Advanced Dementia Scale
Dementia Support
https://compassionandchoices.org/end-of-life-planning/learn/finish-strong-tools/
Dementia Values and Priorities
https://values-tool.compassionandchoices.org
Alive inside: Music Therapy
Inspiring for Cancer: Palliative care and vlog of Support one with Cancer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sXYcxSyAhQ
Cancer Counseling EOL
https://www.cancercare.org/publications/63-caregiving_at_the_end_of_life
Caregiving Tips Aid
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/parenting-family/family-caregiving.htm
Dying with Dignity Fighting Cancer
Sharing Story App Resource
https://storycorps.org/participate/storycorps-app/
Leaving a Legacy:
https://www.joincake.com/blog/category/legacy-projects/
https://www.mdanderson.org/cancerwise/making-memories-last-the-art-of-legacy-work.h00-158673423.html
StoryCorps Always a Family Video Kid Friendly
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7k8HHfJe828
Questions Resource for Legacy Work
https://storycorps.org/participate/great-questions/
Organize tresuring EOL
Healing relationship with Self
From proactively planning your end-of-life wishes to navigating what to do after experiencing a loss
How to Plan a Good Death Article
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/jun/19/how-to-plan-for-a-good-death-sheila-kitzinger
Sitting Vigil Checklist
https://onthewaytodying.com/sitting-vigil-at-a-death-bed-a-checklist/
over 100 short audio stories about living, caregiving, dying, grieving and powerful human moments.
https://vtethicsnetwork.org/articles-resources/wake-up-to-dying
Create, store, and share a custom document that captures your medical care preferences, free of charge
Tips in Writing an Obituary
https://www.joincake.com/blog/creative-obituaries/
Mandatory to Report Abuse, Neglect, or Exploitation
https://dlp.vermont.gov/make-report
International:
https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
National:
SAMHSA’s National Helpline – 1-800-662-HELP (4357) also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service) or TTY: 1-800-487-4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations. Callers can also order free publications and other information.
1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals. https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
https://www.crisistextline.org/ Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a Crisis Couns
Crisis Support Alameda California
Suicide Loss Survivors
https://www.crisissupport.org/resources/suicide-loss-survivors/
Eldercare Locator
800-677-1116
eldercarelocator@n4a.org
Protective Services to Report Elder Abuse:
Marin County Adult Protective Services
Marin County phone 415-473-2774
https://www.marinhhs.org/adult-protective-services
10 N. San Pedro Road
San Rafael, CA 94903
Human Services Department- Adult and Aging Services
Sonoma County phone 707-565-5940
3725 Westwind Blvd., first floor
Santa Rosa, CA 95403
24 Hour abuse hotline 800-667-0404
If you suspect abuse in a long-term care facility, contact the Long-Term Care (415) 473-7446.
Medical info Storage for Emergency Free
https://www.vialoflife.com/vial-is-free/
Store of Senior Safety S.O.S
Medical info Storage for Emergency Free
https://www.vialoflife.com/vial-is-free/
Green Funeral Service Bay Area
https://www.fernwood.com/about-us
Cremation service Bay Area
Online Rituals & Support
Spirituality:
https://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/what-spirituality
Assessing Spiritual Needs
Home Funeral:
https://bestselfmedia.com/doing-death-differently/
Home Funeral:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=M8CtyH4U028
Home Funeral Alliance
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ojoCwt-vEM
Green Funeral:
https://www.greenburialcouncil.org/uploads/1/2/4/2/124231485/going_out_green.pdf
https://www.cnn.com/2016/10/10/health/body-use-after-death/index.html
https://www.capsulamundi.it/en/
https://themindcircle.com/bye-bye-coffins-these-organic-burial-pods-turn-your-loved-ones-into-trees/
Cremation:
https://www.cremationassociation.org/page/alkalinehydrolysis
https://www.nbcnews.com/business/cremation-hottest-trend-funeral-industry-1B8068228
DIfferent Ideas for Funeral
http://deathlab.org/constellation-park/
Millennial Influence
https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2016/11/128187/green-burials-funeral-services-trend
Diff Death with Chemistry
https://www.wired.com/story/alkaline-hydrolysis-liquid-biocremation/
Funeral Services Support:
https://www.dignitymemorial.com/support-friends-and-family
https://www.talkdeath.com/trans-death-exploring-deadnaming-death-positive-lens/
Infant Home Funeral Alliance
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCE45uqIHuA
Pediatric Grief
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kD_Fr3VAsYM
Support for people with substance abuse
Substance abuse and palliative care:
Grief With Abortion
https://www.lionsroar.com/for-the-children-weve-lost/?mc_cid=3ccd84301e&mc_eid=e68050dec4
Complicated Grief Losing a Child Traumatically
https://www.npr.org/2019/05/14/723251416/in-once-more-we-saw-stars-grief-and-love-together
Organ Donor Stats
https://www.organdonor.gov/learn/organ-donation-statistics
Influence a Donor
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExPIEn10Wn8
On talking openly About Death
https://www.npr.org/2014/10/08/352765943/a-mortician-talks-openly-about-death-and-wants-you-to-too
TED talk Inspiration
Accordion Content
Veterans
Veterans Lost resource
Resource YMCA camp for families Grieving
Childrenʻs Grief:
Hope in Grief Childʻs Speech
https://endwellproject.org/hope-in-grief/
Terminally Ill Child resources
https://www.ninr.nih.gov/newsandinformation/conversationsmatter/conversationsmatter-patients
https://www.doggylamapetcare.com
Animal Services
https://www.animalassistedhappiness.org
https://www.squarepegfoundation.org
Living with ASL Podcast
https://www.stitcher.com/show/living-while-dying