This Blog was going to be about the breakdown of my rate calculation based on Californiaʻs cost of living, my monthly expenses, ambitions, and my professional ability to attune to my highest self…Instead I found myself in a very deep dive into the core of my inner workings and projections.
Time to be
Time to live
What a time to be alive, present and congruent with your desires?
I am writing this blog to address the past, present and future inquisition inferring for my time. Painting a picture of my life so that my lovers can respect and observe me forever and always. Because when you create with me I want you to see even the transparent lines that hold us both in our own responsibilities. The beauty of coming to that understanding and loving irrevocably unrelenting to the fact that our connection is a bond that is balanced and fully welcomed.
At this moment I want you to trudge up all the tropes you can consciously fish from your psyche about s*workers a.k.a sw….Comparttamentalize these stereotypes and put it on the backburner while we zoom into my life…
Rested, and my space clear and ready for an admin day…It is 8am and I am making herbal tea, listening to code-switch (podcast), setting a bath, caring for my feline. I am blessed to care for my body first exercising via, dancing, rollerskating, tennis, or running…then returning to my house for a juice, hot shower, and crisp clothes for a look at my calendarʻs to do list…
Since Covid Iʻve scheduled weekly visits to my doctors on top of my monthly check up routine. Creating art or “content” and educating myself on racial and social matters has been on the forefront of my desk since the outbreak. I am ashamed the latter hasnʻt been an active concerning measure of mine and know my land justice work being a native made me an early activist growing up…Therefore showing up not just for the dis-ease in nature but humanity. Taking accountability for the direct and covert oppression is the anti-racist decoding I pledge to each day work at. BIPOC (Black.Indigenous.People of Color)) whom face the inescapable cancer of racism in every discomfort everyday since birth through generations deserve that we process through our own discomforts awakened from this “unpacking” since the visceral visual evidence of itʻs manifestation through Floydʻs public lynching. Reading books; fiction and non fiction by Black authors, listening, giving back space, and not being silent when a conversation should take place. Supporting businesses and educating myself on places that do not align with the work I am doing to assess if I have the energy to call them in or warn others about their harmful actions.
I want to be specific about my time so my love you know in your mind that I pour all my love into our responses and dedicate myself to the time given. I am myself in my best powers to be present with you when I meet all the needs aligned in Figure 1 & 2 ( scroll and observe before con..)
You see me, as a multifaceted person, a 3-D real life real time hard working individual. I know you juggle a lot in the civilian (non sw-world), and dipping into ours makes a wondrous escape into magic
…remember the back burner? Now switch on the light into the life of a sw and the duplicity, duality required to navigate through institutions that want to snare us, social circles we are stigmatized from existing and participating, and lives we divide or distance to protect the people we love. I am immensely proud to have made this career choice, into companionship albeit I started the sw tree from itʻs principle node branching of survival…
the trauma endured through my entry learning through it and the threat of harm that continuously looms to beget until we can decrim our work. I know my choices were the best I could have done with what I knew of this magical world…Peeling back these layers, getting the privilege to have the resources for therapy now, alternative and conventional, as well as getting a divorce and seeing the debt am responsible for, from that relationship has given me clarity. I know I have found something really special in this time
…. Healing reveals so much and itʻs given me the opportunity to share knowledge and prevent harm…I want to write a free book, accessible for inside and outside workers in different languages. I want to reach out discreetly to the parlors and give the workers empowerment to over-come all the challenges they will face.
I am sure we have all had the epiphany of “community” through-out this year and the importance that we keep meaningful deep relationships platonic or intimate with our people we trust and love dearest. SW is very isolating and with covid we have been isolating ourselves more than ever to protect our means of survival, which is making sure we are at our utmost potential of wellness. I have been catching up with more of the sw twitter community video meetings and online fundraisers which gives me the time to lift my spirits and connect with people that share my seat, looking at this world.
I have been educating myself about financial literacy so I can start to save for retirement and finally get situated and recognized as an independent modeling business, as well as getting certified with monies saved to practice herbal and massage healing work beginning by holistic healing Inc. Making these official steps into the civilian world is very important to me so I can re-connect with my family and they can see the seed I planted long ago finally bloom…